Machine Guns and Homeless People: Day 27

Machine Guns and Homeless People: Day 27


Shaky hands. Good to be back to boxing. I predicted 400 likes. We just surpassed it and we’re still climbing. Everyone is being so nice. She texted that she was crying when she read it. I cried for a second too. This is meaningful shit.

I was afraid to post today because my last article is still dominating the internet and I didn’t want to abuse the laws of social momentum or to get people all mad at me because I’m on fire lately.

But it felt good to tell people I’m marrying her. To get it out there and then let us just get back to hanging out.

I think this moment is the peak for some people. And the reason why some women want to have gigantic wedding with everyone watching. To make it bigger so it feels like it means more. I just want to be waking up together walking around in our underwear talking about ways we can start saving money. I’m blown away by the support though. People really do love love. It’s really cool.

“I’m black pants guy with mustache breath!”

Jasper and I were ice cream bros tonight. Then we were smash stuff bros after that.

Apparently his parents had been teaching him how to shoot pickles and kisses out of the Lego cars and to protect the Magic Castle. Meanwhile, I was holding 14 teenage girls hostage on the Death Cruiser before Jasper came out of the dolphin launcher and chopped all the bad guy’s heads off.

“Awesome dude!”

“Yeah I took off their heads Uncle Meat Toosh.”

“You sure did. They’ll never torture innocent women again.”

“Yeah, because they got no heads.”

“That’s right little Meat Wad.”

Saturday morning we are eating bacon and eggs and going to the ocean to look for real dolphins. He was so excited that he hugged my leg. Well actually he backed his pantsless body into my leg and let me hug him real quick before he ran away. I tried not to chip a tooth and crush his shoulder girdle.

And tonight my neighbors are having yet another party for yet another special holiday that comes equipped with a special DJ and every car in the world parked in the front yard and on the sidewalk. And I’m always an asshole for giving a dirty ass look when I have to walk in a C curve around the cars to stay true to the way I prefer to walk home. It will be endless techno until 3am. And they always have a party tent.

I thought about killing a lot of homeless people tonight. I know it sounds bad. I know a lot of people think that feeding the homeless once a month is a good deed and that they are all good, helpless people that had a few bad breaks along the way and are ultimately looking to improve their lives. I can guarantee you this is not true. Have you ever watched a group of women circle one woman and headbutt her until she was unconscious? Or a guy hit another guy over the head with a shopping cart and try to stab him until you step in and break it up yourself? Or every single fucking day walking past used needles on the cement funded by our spare change? How do you fix that? A peanut butter and jelly the 3rd Sunday of every month? And a bible verse in order to go along with that lunch? We have completely fucked up. Completely. The richest country in the world. They are so miserable. I see it in their eyes every day and night when I walk through their tarp town. Am I terrible for turning my car into a Lego cruiser with machine guns on the sidebars when I drove through tonight?

Leave a Reply