blog On Life : Why I’ll Never Say “I Love You” Again

On Life : Why I’ll Never Say “I Love You” Again

INTRO: I’ve spent a lot of time in relationships finding clever ways to keep some distance from my partners without making it appear that there was an actual problem. There is a fine line between aspirational independence within a relationship and making sure I am busy enough to have an alibi for my disconnectedness. I’ve …

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blog New Life : Maddy #5

New Life : Maddy #5

Just before the holidays, 2019. “I’d like to skip all this and be an old man too, for the record,” Maddy texts me.  I like that she doesn’t change the volume of her voice when she is talking in public. Even if everyone can hear what she says, she carries on, unphased. That is the …

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blog On Marriage : Where It Went Wrong

On Marriage : Where It Went Wrong

Present Day I often have interesting thoughts before falling asleep. I’ll be lying in bed and it will hit me clearly and no matter what time it is I will feel a rush of energy. But I don’t always have my journal next to me and I don’t always get up to write it down. …

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blog New Life : Maddy Date 4. Emergence of a Feeling

New Life : Maddy Date 4. Emergence of a Feeling

December, 2019 Maddy and I met at the Angelika to see Dark Waters, which was basically Spotlight again but this time about bad chemical companies. She was coming straight from work and I was coming straight from doing basically nothing. I was on time and she was a few minutes late. When she did arrive …

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blog On Marriage : The Last Days Part 2

On Marriage : The Last Days Part 2

8.12.19 Charlie tells me that if I can carve out a few things a day that I am thankful for and remove a few things that aren’t good for me, then I am making progress. Right now, I am thankful for the scene in our apartment. I am sitting down to meditate and A is …

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blog New Life : The Origin of “Come Over”

New Life : The Origin of “Come Over”

I kissed Maddy before I kissed Erica. But I had gone on more dates with Erica and known her longer. We texted frequently and had a familiarity after a while. When I texted, “Come over,” after seeing the red dress selfie, I had just recently recovered from the first time I sent those words to …

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blog On Marriage : The Beginning Part 5 – “I’m Not Attracted to You”

On Marriage : The Beginning Part 5 – “I’m Not Attracted to You”

Saturday 11/8/14 8:47AM Woke up at 6:30. Was up til 1:30 reading Peaceful Warrior. It’s just starting to get good. I’m still solid on my speech. Preparation removes nerves. Maybe I could even look forward to it. The big fundraiser for the Hale Foundation was that day. 300 people would come together for a yoga …

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blog People are dying. The world is falling apart. This is the best time of my life.

People are dying. The world is falling apart. This is the best time of my life.

4.29.20 People are dying. The world is falling apart. This is the best time of my life.  I’ve always found hugging people hello and goodbye to be awkward. I’ve documented many times my inability to predict which handshake or five will be used during greetings.  I know there are many people having horrible experiences. Suffering …

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blog New Life : Maddy 3rd Date :)

New Life : Maddy 3rd Date :)

1:13AM: Dining table, NYC Madison.  The place she took me was called Bar Belly. She asked what I was in the mood for and I said something cozy with live music and good drinks.  Bar Belly was cozy with live music and good drinks. It was a long and narrow basement bar – like every …

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blog New Life : Erica Take 4 – How Is There Still No Kiss?

New Life : Erica Take 4 – How Is There Still No Kiss?

I was planning on kissing Erica tonight. I knew I would. Our fourth date with the last one ending in a missed kiss opportunity that we talked about for weeks. Everyone knew it was going to happen except, apparently, her.  “““““““““““““““““““““““““““““` 10:21pm My Couch, NYC. Listening to Erik Satie & Friends Writing These Stories She …

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