When I’m happy, I’m really fun. It’s the reason people keep me around. Sure I go dark a few days every month but I mostly keep to myself and try not to take it out on anyone. We are all carrying around our daily battles and our lifelong battle wounds. But when I’m up I can sure leave a blazing trail. We visited eight different countries last year. Opened a new business. Drove 2,500 miles up and down the coast and camped all over god’s green Earth. Those are the things I will hold in my chest for those few days each month when I don’t feel very alive.
I’m back up though. I’m kinder, sweeter, more attentive, more helpful, more aware, and more engaged. I make jokes, I get erections, and I work like a gd fiend. I genuinely enjoy being happy. Thank you last two days.
Woody pooped in the house this evening. He was scratching at my leg and I thought he was just trying to lure me into another game of fetch. He went by the door and barked but I thought he was just enjoying his own reflection. Then he went into the living room and I looked over to see him in the familiar dog squat. He looked at me as three little lumps came out of his fourteen pound body and onto the cord that supplies power to my LED light.
On a bad day… maybe I yell at him. Today, I realize that it was my fault for ignoring the obvious signs. I clean it up. Tell him it was okay. And take him outside for a walk. If I’m ever a parent I hope I have this reaction more times than I don’t. It’s so easy to dip into the anger well when I am confronted with things that challenge my way of life. It feels better to be kind though. And that’s the thing I am most grateful for today – on Day 27 of the Whole30 – being kind is coming easily. For all the times I could have put in a little more effort to say something nice or do one very small gesture to help out, today I get to do those things.
I am really hungry though. We had salmon and kale salad for dinner and I bit into something hard half way through that almost sent all the food back up my esophagus and onto my plate. I had to fish through my mouth to pull it out. It was an inch long something, maybe a fish bone or maybe a hard piece of plastic. Either way, it gave me hot flashes. But I’ve learned that with enough salt you can get through anything. I finished my plate and now I find myself eager to eat fried chicken and waffles. Three more days.
Then who will guide me? Who will cook all the meals? Who will be the one strong enough to not get in the car and drive to Kebab Shop for lunch because it’s mostly healthy and also we could get a small french fry and split it between the two of us.
Who is going to make sure that doesn’t happen?
When has self-regulation ever worked? It’s no secret why we are doing this protocol. This rigid-as-fuck thirty days of explaining yourself to all your friends or just not leaving the house at all. Woody forgot what it was like to be home alone because we have been gone for a total of ten hours in the last 26 days. We are doing it because if we leave it up to ourselves, if we leave room for personal bargaining, then we will fail miserably. I am getting anxious. I am becoming curious. I still remember french fries. And more importantly, I still want to remember french fries.
Alexis is doing yoga in the bedroom and Woody is basically trying to stuff the kong in her butt. If you don’t give the guy what he wants he can be very persuasive. She is laughing and screaming “ouch!” at the same time. A place I know well.
We had to get up early this morning. 7:30 a.m. You think we are spoiled millennials, I get it. I slept poorly last night. My streak ended as the nightmares came back in full force. We had our monthly business meeting with the South Park Business Association. Mostly just people come for free coffee and pastries. I go because I’m gunning for a board seat. They could use the fresh blood.
After the meeting I didn’t much feel like participating in the world. I laid in bed for two hours telling myself I was going to nap but really I just scrolled and scrolled and scrolled. At this point it is my own fault. But how can you not become consumed with this circus? We talked today about how to remove ourselves from the drama and become more involved locally. We talked about Big Brothers Big Sisters. We talked about Boys and Girls Club. We talked about monthly donations. But mostly I just want to punch someone in their gd face for an hour until I feel like the fucking over is a two-way street.
Needless to say, I took breakfast in bed.
Leftover hash with some self-evident sidekicks. I could eat last night’s hash every day. Probably only like three days in a row actually. But you know what I mean.
Greg, Mijon, and Boston swung by the studio to say hello as they were just getting back from Florida. I like being in the studio and feeling neighborly. I let myself become a bit of a hermit during this 30 day challenge and you know how it goes, if you’re not going out and seeking life it ain’t gonna bother to come find you. The conversations and smiles from people passing by the studio were a resurgence.
Ashley swung by to work on her new blog, Rosemary & Rags, while Alexis steamed clothes for her trunk show this weekend.
Then it was a gigantic lunch that was so big I already conceded to leftovers before I started.
That’s chicken, turkey, salad with bacon, avocado, cauli rice, roasted squash, and strawberries.
I ate the whole gd thing. I’m an animal what do you expect?
Woody was having none of it today because the sun was back and that means only one thing for a dog.
Our friend Julia came by the studio for some headshots. She is transitioning away from the ‘peaceful yogi’ look to something a little more natural and clean.
She was a great model. But I couldn’t have done it without the very professional help of my very professional stylist.
And then the salmon and its plastic friend came for us.
Looked good on paper.
Everyone is watching that new show This Is Us and saying they love it. Well, this is us.
Read Day 26 HERE.