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Whole30 Day 26 : Three Straight Nights of Good Sleep

8:08 a.m.

I slept well again last night. This could be it. The thing I’ve been waiting for. Sleep is my nemesis and if I start wracking up these peaceful nights with deep rest I think it’s going to change my whole life.

I did also think about the different reasons I could use for cancelling my boxing lesson the very second my eyes opened this morning.

Time to put on my white girl clothes and take the doggie for a walk. 47 degrees they are saying.

This was Woody on the day we picked him up,

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Now he’s a giant monster.

8:25 a.m.

There was a woman outside in shorts. Another in a basic long sleeve shirt and jeans. How are they not freezing?! I’m thinking menopause? I don’t know, not sure how that stuff actually works. All I know is that I’m barely holding on inside this traveling comforter I am wearing as a coat.

8:40 a.m.

I can still cancel this session.

8:45 a.m.

There is an unspoken battle happening in regards to the location of the toothpaste (best toothpaste in the world, btw). It has been kept in a mason jar along with our toothbrushi (plural – high five if you got that on your own) since the beginning. But now that I realized it stands up on it’s own, due to an ingenious flat-head design, I’ve been standing it next to the mason jar. Hence, allowing more space for the little tooth cleaners to breathe. Every evening I place it outside the jar and every morning it is somehow back in. Now, it’s possible it’s such a hard-wired habit she doesn’t even realize change is on the horizon. But if that’s not the case, if she preferred the old method and is being defiant, then we gonna have a some trouble round here.

9:55 a.m.

I was pretty strong in my boxing lesson today. Energy was good and no repulsive burp-gags despite eating breakfast just ten minutes before leaving the house (9 out of 10 doctors recommend).

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My trainer, Mike, told me I had meaty thighs today. That’s the highlight of our time together so far. He was wrapping my meaty thigh with an elastic band because of my torn hammy. I guess it’s called Voodoo Flossing. Tight compression and then light mobility training to repair damaged tissue. It’s a very new technique. I like to think it’s experimental from Amsterdam, but more likely some guys in Silicon Valley who were on a light dose of LSD while doing Crossfit. Anyway, after about three minutes of exercises my hamstring felt brand new for the entire workout. It’s back to being a little bitch right now but the relief was nice.

We have a meeting next door in five minutes and there’s no way I’ll have time to shower so I’m going to take what we in the industry like to call a whore’s bath. A splash of soapy water in the pits, quick rinse of the face, and an undercarriage scoop and swipe. Two minutes tops. Brand new person.

11:25 a.m.

Unfortunately, my bathing technique was not enough to prevent the giant ass streak from appearing on my chair when I stood up to greet the client. #classy

12:30 p.m.

I’m hyper. Which means I’m coming out of the depression cycle and into the manic one. Alexis doesn’t seem to be amused as she has a lot of work to do today and I am inventing new words and doing an interpretation of the I’m Blue, Da ba dee da ba da techno song while following her around in the kitchen and awkwardly touching her shoulders and butt cheeks.

Anyway, this is a story about personal triumph and I will continue to blossom as an individual regardless of how well it’s received by others.

1:00 p.m.

I just let Woody out on the roof. He’s a puppy, the whole world is intriguing. He ate a dead bee, drank rain water out of an ashtray, and walked through a puddle with a power cord lying in it. I’m going to buy myself one of those #1 Dad mugs. Now he is eating one of our plants and, oh wait, carrying around Lambie with a pair of my socks stuffed in there for good measure.

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1:16 p.m.

Lunch was tremendous. We (actually we) mixed the greens with the sunshine sauce from last night and added avocado, cashews, blueberries, and a lemon squeeze.

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Alexis made dark meat chicken and roasted butternut squash. She found it very difficult to prep considering the whole squash was a disagreeable and ungrateful tyrant. But we’re all about results here at the Hensler-Asquith household. And the squash was roasted.

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1:59 p.m.

Alexis made a blind sale to a stranger via Instagram. Her shop is going to take off I think. She is going to get a crash course in business development and organization. Pretty soon I’m just going to be eye candy in her voyage to the top.

2:45 p.m.

I walked down the street to the park to meet Ashley and Caira. Caira saw me and immediately said, “Wood?” as she, like all of you, is obsessed with our dog. The look of disappointment on her face when I said he was at home was not easy to overcome. Still, we partied on the swings and the dinosaur and the stone steps.

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4:30 p.m.

I need a snack. I want a sandwich. BLT. Knaw what I mean?

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Sweet potato toast, bacon, mixed greens, and some turkey.

A wonderful treat for the ten seconds it lasted.

Now I want pizza.

One thing I miss about snack food is that you can buy an entire bag of something and then just sit there and eat the whole thing. There is constantly stuff in your mouth and lots of chewing and even if you’re binging out of control it lasts for a good twenty minutes.

6:59 p.m.

We are back from yoga. Wanted to mix it up from home practice so we took a class at the neighborhood yoga studio, which also happens to be my old rival studio. It wasn’t long ago when they were referring to me as a sacrilegious and fake “yogi” because I also taught martial arts at my studio. God forbid these people wanted to punch some things on occasion. Guess that wasn’t “zen”. Years later, their star teacher was alleged to have used his status as a yoga teacher to prey on his female students. Not sure what was ever confirmed but the guy’s poster came down in a heartbeat and he was removed from the schedule completely. Did I mention that I was 7+ years in the industry without a single scandal? But yeah, totes legit sacrilege.

Anyway, you can imagine the smile I carry on my face when I walk into that place these days.

“What did you think of class?” I asked Alexis.

“It was okay. She talked a lot.”

“God, they always do,” I replied.

“I know. Can’t they just let us breathe for a second?”

“Yeah. We had a gd moaner in our row though. Could you hear her?” I continued.

These moaners in yoga are trying to prove just how good yoga feels to them while the rest of us are just trying to talk our minds down from wanting to kill half the room.

“That was me,” she said.

“Oh.”

7:43 p.m.

Dinner is almost ready. I’m about to get tapped to make the salad. We are having brussel/mushroom/pork hash from our Nom Nom Paleo meal plan.

8:46 p.m.

My god, the rabbit holes I am going down on FB lately. If I could hook up a brain and stress monitor while I scroll I bet I could actually see cells dying. What is one to do when there is nothing you can really do?

On a Whole30 note, I feel so nourished from dinner. Alexis is somehow starving. I complemented her on the hash and she complemented me on the salad. It was a joint effort and there is joint admiration on this fine evening.

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9:05 p.m.

“Have you ever had strawberries with peanut butter?”

Alexis continues to peak over at me to see if I notice each consecutive spoonful of the cashew butter.

 

Ready Day 25 HERE.

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    6 Comments

    1. Megan
      January 25, 2017

      hahaha – my dog used to do that thing with the socks also. Woody is the bomb.com! I’m going to miss this when it ends!

      Reply
      • kirk hensler
        January 25, 2017

        haha. dogs are ridiculous. fortunately, I’ll still be writing in some capacity. I’ll try to throw some Woody pics in there when I can.

        Reply
    2. Megan
      January 25, 2017

      My fiancé is obsess with strawberries and peanut butter. I find it to be such an odd combo.

      Reply
      • kirk hensler
        January 25, 2017

        yeah, it is a bit strange. glad we’re not alone.

        Reply
    3. adventuresofleanna
      January 29, 2017

      I will have to try strawberries. You should try apples with cashew butter & sprinkle cinnamon all over, I am obsessed.

      Reply
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