Whole30 Day 30 : This is Really the End

9:21 a.m.

The best way to stay in touch with Woody is through my Instagram. There is just no way around it. And to continue to read the blogs I post, as I will post many more blogs in my life, make sure you like the Kale & Cigs FB page. Those are the things I ask of you on this morning, our last morning.

It’s our last day of high school together. Most of us are graduating and 87% of us will be going away to college as we are a predominately white school. There are some that will do two years at the local CC because they are already in overbearing relationships, but they will likely change their minds by April of next year when they see that other, much more attractive and interesting people are away at school. I only wish that I was moving away from the baby cult rock band that runs the streets below me on early Saturday mornings.

I have a photoshoot today at a friend’s law firm (never can know enough lawyers) and Alexis has her first trunk show.

9:57 a.m.

I have just eaten some kind of sausage biscuit mcmuffin without any bread. I don’t know how she did it but it was amazing.


*recipe here.

Am I eating too much salt? I am starting to have dry mouth after every meal. What does this mean? Someone please tell me.

10:45 a.m.

I gots ta go. Trying to help her carry her clothes and these nice chairs around the corner but also realizing that I hate being late and Woody destroyed his new toy in 12 hours.


1:30 p.m.

On my way home from the shoot. Very hungry. Alexis is probably hungry too. Double accountability.

I knew it was a rotisserie I was after. It solves the most problems for the least amount of money and effort. Only I didn’t want to go to Whole Foods because it was technically out of the way. I swung by Albertson’s hoping they would have a naked rotisserie. Man was that a mistake. There was not a single thing in that store, minus the produce, that was Whole30 compliant. Just a bunch of boxed garbage coated in sugar. Bet it tastes good though.

My time saving maneuver ended up costing me another 45 minutes. I went by the house and then all the way up to Sprout’s because the local market didn’t have their roasts out yet.

And this Sprouts rotisserie was the size of a quail. I ate most of it before even getting to the salad making.

2:46 p.m.

Live from the trunk show bringing her a salad. Woody is hanging out eating all the plants. And laying in the sun. People want to be like Woody. He is good for business.

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I feel completely demotivated. What have I worked so hard for? What has really changed? It’s just me still, relatively healthy but completely psychotic and paranoid.

Tomorrow is the open field of choice and self-discipline and I’m afraid I’m going to fall flat on my ass.

4:40 p.m.

Michelle, Ryan, and J-Man stopped by to say hello. Jasper is using the force to steal my wallet. A new and exciting hobby for a four year old to pick up.

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But what’s more important than anything – The Shark has arrived.

6:07 p.m.

Our last Whole30 dinner. Tear. I would care more if our new vacuum didn’t just come in the mail. I vacuumed the floors with the upright base then the pillows with the handheld extension and then our duvet cover with the curtain attachment. The thing is like a transformer. Woody has been mostly barking at it and trying to eat through the cord.


I am a vacuuming person and I am very happy about it. I can see pillows without dog hair and it gives my brain a familiar sense of peace.

7:03 p.m.

“Maybe I’ll go back to popcorn.”

I think we’re over it. And there’s no reason why. Why wouldn’t we just keep going if it is working for us? It didn’t break anything for me. It didn’t irrevocably change my relationship with food. The second I have just one bite of something – maybe a burrito, maybe popcorn, maybe a hot fudge sundae – the whole well will open back up. Because it’s all or nothing for me. I’m either on something or I’m off it. The only moderation I have is when I average the extremes that dictate my life. I am deeply interested maintaining this new, trim frame I’m carrying around however.

Dinner was good though. Cauliflower mash, roasted kavocha squash, and ground beef. I was tired of chicken. Plus I accidentally stuck my finger in the rotisserie’s butt and it made me feel weird and too personally attached to chickens.


Woody is lying on top of my feet in a tight little ball. I wonder why he trusts me so much? Certainly makes me feel good.

After 30 days of eating like I imagine Jason Bourne used to in his prime nothing significant has shifted in my mindset. It’s like, I know doing yoga and meditating every night will help me arrive at a more harmonious level of living but I don’t do it. Some nights I walk right past my mat because I’m too tired or some other bullshit. I know cutting out sugar and grains had a significantly positive impact on my life. But tomorrow I’ll have gluten free pancakes with maple syrup and probably rub them all over my body by the time I’m finished. This craving to do what I know isn’t good or me long-term, but is oh so good in the moment – it’s not fixable. Make that course. Write that program. Teach me how to look at the things that benefit as exciting endeavors and not tedious work. And I’ll commit to another 30 days of writing.

7:52 p.m.

I have a headache! We need equipment to monitor ourselves 24/7. I’d buy it. This must be the salt. How can I be eating too much salt? There are people eating frozen dinner every night and they are fine. My grandparents lived into their 80s and they didn’t GAF about gluten or alcohol intolerance. I’ve been given the sensitive gene. And I hate it.

8:37 p.m.

Just finished the first round of edits on the law firm photos. I can’t share them just yet for legal reasons (ha!). But seriously, I can’t. These are important people.

I know you’re expecting something significant from me on this last day, but I’ll be honest – I’ve got nothin. We are low on groceries, low on morale, and our country is turning into, or rather revealing that it is, a racist pile of dookie right before our eyes.

9:24 p.m.

As far as continued Whole30 blogging goes, I’m undecided at the moment. I’m a coach that has just won the championship and really I can do whatever I want. I can go to Disney I can go to the Bahamas or I can stay home with my family and decide the best thing for us moving forward. I am interested to monitor our spending post Whole30. Will we actually spend more or less money without cooking every meal at home? And how long until I eat something undeniably bad for me.

As for tomorrow, we are talking about gluten free bread or gluten free pancakes to see how that impacts us. We might go out to breakfast. Enjoy ourselves a little. Celebrate if you will.

What did we spend in the 30 days afterall?

Week 1 – $480. Ouch, man. Couple of rookies.

Week 2 – $200. Hell of a trim job there, Alexis.

Week 3 – $394 (thanks to LA). $239 without the weekend getaway.

Week 4 – $264.

Whole30 Total Food Spend:


Bam. Take that one right in the dick!

Final Thoughts with Kirk:

I stand by an early assessment that we came into this thing as Californians. Non-drinkers and mostly healthy eaters. There was never a moment where I remember experiencing such radical transformation as to say this whole process was “life changing”. I know that at times I felt like it was changing our lives – the time spent focusing on foods, lack of socializing, prioritizing nutrients over taste, and different day-to-day stuff like that – but I don’t stand here today on Day 30 feeling touched. I feel more informed about food. I feel happy that I’ve lost weight and reduced inflammation. I know that Alexis is really pleased to have learned so many recipes and enhanced her cooking skills by 2,000 points. But I don’t feel overwhelmingly proud of myself. Sticking to things isn’t new to me. That in itself was an inevitability. I guess I just hoped for more. Which can’t be blamed on Whole30 entirely. As Greg said, “These are extraordinary times.” My focus has been pulled into many different directions. I’m fighting with people I don’t even know. Scrolling through media with pain in my heart. And feeling like my little yuppie food experiment is ultimately not that important.

I know we are supposed to spin things positively. It’s a thing we do in conversations.

“How’s work.”

“Oh you know, it’s not my favorite job. Buuuuuuttttt it’s been a great learning experience and given me and chance to practice a bunch of things I don’t necessarily like………”

I do this every time I talk.

“How are you?”

I’m in a fucking terrible mood.

“I’m doing good. How are you?”


Great, another wasted opportunity between people.

Anyway, I’m supposed to end this on a high note because that is what everyone would naturally expect. That’s what we almost need. But I can’t. I’m sick about our world and I’m tired of worrying about fucking gluten while people face such unbelievably unfair atrocities all over the world. If nothing else I’ve been humbled by my own privilege and freedom over the last 30 days. I’m glad we’ve laughed, don’t get me wrong. But I’d be lying if I said I felt like laughing right now.

So let’s wrap it up with my favorite food and Woody photos of the last 30 days.

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Okay, after looking through these I feel happier, more in touch with this experiment, and grateful for everything that has taken place. I get caught up sometimes. I just needed to rehash it for a second. Which reminds me of why I write in the first place – so that I can remember who I was and what I did and hopefully be inspired to do a little more and be a little better. It is such an effort to keep our minds right and our hearts filled with good intentions. But really an unparalleled reward when things are lining up.

A sincere, sincere thank you to everyone that has been following along and commenting through the process. It really means a lot to me and gives me a great sense of stimulation. I think taking a few days off from the blog will help this experience sink in even more.

And the biggest thank you to Chef Alexis for stepping up to the highest of all levels and taking on the cooking duties with such passion and interest.

Off to McDonald’s now 😉



Read Day 29 HERE.

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