On Dating : You Could Come With Me

3.24.20 Bed, NYC

We wake together and smile before we touch because we know the feeling that is coming.

Last night we thanked each other for how much fun we’ve been having. She said she never feels dumb when she talks to me. I said I never worry about being right in a conversation. We feel easy and free.

–

I am catching myself in real-time making adjustments to things I used to do. She was about to get into a text fight with her aunt and I thought about how I used to strong-arm Alexis into cutting her toxic relationships with family.

This time, I just sat and listened and it was her who self-corrected and said she wasn’t responsible for making her aunt feel better. It passed and it didn’t gain any sticky feelings.

I have to remember that not every single moment is forever.

–

We ran 4 miles along the harbor and did some burpees and squats in the living room. We did our breathing exercises and then we kissed each other’s sweaty lips and necks.

Then we were having sex on the rug and tasting salt.

–

We took a long walk as the rain let up. There were no people on the streets.

“What did it used to be like?” I asked.

“I don’t remember.”

We ate frozen pizza and drank hard kombucha. We watched Veep. She read. I wrote an outline for a new project. We laughed and kissed.

“Lay on me with all your weight,” she said.

I laid across her body but stayed stiff to hold some of my weight.

“Is this all your weight?”

I softened.

“Oh god, I can’t breathe.”

–

She washes her face and gets in bed. I hug her soft skin. We face each other. We kiss. We lie on our backs and take 3 deep breaths and exchange 1 thing we like about ourselves and 1 thing we like about each other. 3 more breaths.

I hold her and touch her hair and her neck and eventually it is morning.

–

3.25.20 Newark

I’m on a flight back to California. It was cancelled and rescheduled 4 times before it finally took off.

Sitting next to me, a New York resident named Maddy.

We talked about her visiting after I decided I needed to go back. The bubble of our empty New York romance was intoxicating but I had to make some moves to take care of my business and I was looking forward to a little space.

Then we started talking about how NYC would continue to shutdown and how flights would probably be cancelled soon.

“You could come with me tonight,” I said as we walked under the Manhattan Bridge back to her apartment.

She turned to me sharply, “Really?”

“How would that work?” she continued.

“Well, I would just book you on my same flight and we’d just head out later.”

“Wait, should we?” she asked.

“Think about it for a few.”

It came out of me before I could think it through. It was one of those things that felt good in the moment but might not be aligned with what I would want later.

We kept walking and talking it through. She was thinking hard. We got into the pros and cons.

“Right. It’s 70 degrees there. I forgot about that. I just figured it was exactly like this but with palm trees,” she said.

“Let’s do it!” she finally said.

“Really? Okay great. Let’s go.”

She became goofy and playful in a degree I had not previously seen.

“How are you feeling?” I asked.

“I’m excited,” she said earnestly.

We got back to my place after packing her suitcase. I booked her ticket in first next to me. I couldn’t bring myself to put us both in the back even though we were facing an economic crisis.

She had her suitcase and tote bag filled with groceries we bought for her the night before.

“I’m not wasting all this food,” she said.

“There’s like lettuce in there,” I said.

“It’ll be fine.”

She was startled when the flight attendant called her by her last name when asking what pre-takeoff drink she preferred.

She took pictures of the food.

“It’s like real food. It’s not in a plastic container.”

I laughed at her. And laughed more knowing the ice cream sundae hadn’t even come out yet.