Waking up to a different world than I knew yesterday. When I went to bed all was uncertain but we were still talking so it was uncertain but we were together in it. Now we are apart because she is taking time to process things and I am left to wonder what any of it …
When Maddy left last night I felt a burning in my chest for her. I wanted (needed) her back and felt my stomach rotating wondering when I’d see her again. In the past, I would’ve considered that a good thing. Falling for someone. But I realize now that it’s more of a hunger to remove …
I’m on the phone with Ashley talking about how to break up with Erica. “I just don’t know how to phrase it.. Listen, I have something tough to say…I like someone else. Or, I don’t see a future together…?” “No, wait. I got it. It’s from all my years watching The Bachelor. You tell her …
I’m on the couch listening to Bach on the stereo. Maddy is in bed sleeping. She woke up early (9:30am) with me yesterday and today I am giving her a break from such a demanding schedule. Last night marked two consecutive nights with her staying over. “Do you feel weird about staying over again?” I …
We got into some more serious talks. She had been drinking. I could tell when I saw her face come up on my phone. Everything she did took half a second too long. Her grin lingered. She wanted to tell me some things about her past. People I’ve dated always think that is important. That …
I took a chance and didn’t pack any clothes for this trip. One night and one day in Texas before flying back home. It sounded advanced to travel with only the clothes on my back, like I was in the CIA. Then I spilled oil-based sauce on my crotch right before having to do an …
I was doing one of my long walks through the usual route – East Village, Lower East Side, Soho, Washington Square. It was cold but it gave me a great excuse to wear my jacket, scarf, hat, and gloves. A combination of attire that I could only dream about in California. I was coming through …
When I watch a kid run down a hallway I assume they are going to fall. It causes me to feel uneasy. Typically, though, they don’t fall down. In fact, most of the time everything is just fine. But I don’t correct the fear in my head when they successfully cruise right past me. There’s …
Early 2020. Couch, San Diego I like chaos. It’s interesting. And not without purpose. When everything is happening all at once there is always the emergence of a feeling. A sense that one component is more true than the other. Since I am dynamic, since my feelings change all the time, I spend a good …
I picked Ashley up from the airport. We listened to music most of the ride back. Just as we parked, she got a FaceTime. It was him. Mr. LA. She was elated, I could tell. The sense of ease around her disappeared and every feeling that could exist inside a person happened to her all …
