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whole 30 blog Archives - kale & cigarettes
blog Whole30 Day 24 : Three Quarter Review

Whole30 Day 24 : Three Quarter Review

8:10 a.m. Woody won’t come out and say it but I know he’s pissed he didn’t get a pic up on the blog yesterday. We were starving before bed last night. I started in on a snacking forage and Alexis followed. We were eating food like raccoons. I licked the remains of a squeezed lemon …

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blog Whole30 Day 23 : Scores Of Women

Whole30 Day 23 : Scores Of Women

8:30 a.m. You might be wondering what I’m doing up so early. Well, Alexis has to work. Which is a bummer because she really wanted to go to the Women’s March downtown. So I am going in her place. Also, someone needs to protect these people that have probably never thrown a punch in their …

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blog Whole30 Day 22 : Listen To The Mandolin Rain

Whole30 Day 22 : Listen To The Mandolin Rain

9:59 a.m. Alexis is crying. America has just inaugurated its 45th president. I’m afraid to even open up the internet today. We are talking ourselves into being able to watch his speech. I’d rather be kicked in the balls by a mule. It’s raining again though, which is fitting. I took a long walk this …

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blog Whole30 Day 21 : Alexis Goes To Work

Whole30 Day 21 : Alexis Goes To Work

9:20 a.m. Our back room scored its second victory in as many weeks last night when we sold the IKEA daybed we had disassembled in there. Woody has a stick in the house. You never really know what it is that he’s chewing on. I let him bring stuff in from outside because I like …

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blog Whole30 Day 20 : Taro Rock

Whole30 Day 20 : Taro Rock

There is no reason for this photo other than to soften you before you begin reading. 9:28 a.m. 2/3. 66% The big 2-0. They have some healthcare in California that makes certain things free. For example, men can see a doctor for free for anything that has to do with their genitals. I consider genitals …

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blog Whole30 Day 19 : Alexis Cries And It’s Not My Fault. But It Kinda Is Too

Whole30 Day 19 : Alexis Cries And It’s Not My Fault. But It Kinda Is Too

6:15 a.m. I hate people who drive motorcycles through residential neighborhoods at 5:30 in the morning as fast as they can. First of all – how are you not cold, bro? You only have a hoodie on. Secondly – if the handlebars are above your shoulders what are the implications for blood circulation on a …

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blog Whole30 Day 18 : Apples vs Gourmet Cupcakes

Whole30 Day 18 : Apples vs Gourmet Cupcakes

7:16 a.m. I found my way into alpha state pretty quickly during meditation last night. I was proud. Then I realized I was just losing consciousness from the caramelized onions. I did self-hate pushups and shame-myself situps before drinking a gallon of water and reciting my mantra, don’t pee the bed, don’t pee the bed. …

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blog Whole30 Day 17 : I’m a Violator

Whole30 Day 17 : I’m a Violator

5:41 p.m. We just got home from Venice. This is my first time contributing to the Whole30 blog today because I already wrote 2900 words on another topic – winning political arguments. I had a blow out with an old classmate followed by an accusation towards my own mother in the last two days and …

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blog Whole30 Day 16 : Alexis Gets Pegged

Whole30 Day 16 : Alexis Gets Pegged

8:16 a.m. I weighted myself again. Because you know you weigh the least first thing in the morning. Only regret is that Jonah was in the tub and I couldn’t take a dump first. 8:56 a.m. “Do you want to eat this?” Jonah asks as he holds out a baked marshmallow cookie. “No Jonah, we …

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blog Whole30 Day 15 : Halfway Home

Whole30 Day 15 : Halfway Home

9:08 a.m. I forgot to do a Week In Review yesterday. So, after some thought, I realized I could just do a Halfway Point Analysis today and act like I planned it that way. Horrible sleep again last night. Not feeling well at all. My nose is permanently shut. I’m overwhelmed just watching Alexis try …

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