Protect the Little People: Day 11

Protect the Little People: Day 11

Uncontrollable gas might be considered a problem for a lot of people. Not for me. It means that every 8 – 10 minutes of the entire day I get to laugh out loud and then hope someone is downwind of me when I sit patiently and await their facial expression.

Truly I am happy right now. For one, I have uncontrollable gas. Secondly, it is my last week on this mountain for a very long time. Which means I’m going home. Which means I won’t be half an avocado looking for my piece of toast much longer.

This work is the kind of thing you tell people you really enjoyed after it’s over. Maybe not so much during. I have a journal to prove so many things. Because I never lie to my journal and it records my greatest and harshest first impressions.

Vanessa told me today that you don’t really know how awful older generations can be until you have kids.

I told my mom over Christmas that Alexis and I would not be moving back to Detroit pretty much ever. Which meant that she would be at least 2,000 miles away from her one-day grandkids on an average day.

“I want you to know that it’s not personal but we can’t live here.”

“I figured. As long as you’re OK with me coming to visit every couple of months and sleeping on your couch.”

The thing is this – they care very much about my sister’s kids but they make my nephews say grace before meals and do the holy trinity thing with their fingers and their forehead and chest. And the other thing is that they have them give everyone a kiss and a hug and tell them they love them whenever they leave. And this kind of thing might seem reasonable to some of you and to all of the past generations, but to me it is nearly abuse. I know every person without kids thinks they have the secret answer to parenting but this isn’t about parenting as much as it is about respecting a persons free will, even if that person is so little she can’t tie her own shoes.

“Here are some conditions mom. We will not be raising religious kids. Which means absolutely no religious influence on them whatsoever.”

“Ok. That’s fine with me.”

“And they’re not going to say weird shit that you think they should say.”

“I understand.”

I laid down some heavy words about my family a few posts ago. And it feels nice to let it out from time to time. But the truth is I have it very good on a daily basis. Meaning since I was 2, the first time I ran away from home, I’ve been doing pretty much whatever I wanted and my parents have been basically OK with it. So when I tell my mom that there are ground rules when she interacts with our one-day kids I know that she’ll respect them.

I do believe that when I tell someone exactly what I want and exactly what I expect from them that I am very likely to get just that. It’s when I say nothing and just hope they’ll read my mind that shit goes sideways and when shit goes sideways like this I blame them for not being perceptive but really it’s just me that is not being clear.

It’s just too bad that none of you are downwind from me right now.

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