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kale & cigarettes
blog On Dating : “You Were Meant To Do Important Things.”

On Dating : “You Were Meant To Do Important Things.”

I picked Ashley up from the airport. We listened to music most of the ride back. Just as we parked, she got a FaceTime. It was him. Mr. LA. She was elated, I could tell. The sense of ease around her disappeared and every feeling that could exist inside a person happened to her all …

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blog On Dating : Maddy Meets My Friends

On Dating : Maddy Meets My Friends

Late December, Early January. Sometime around then. I walked her home last night through Two Bridges and past the open plaza where you could see the One World Trade Center building lit up. We’ve taken this route a few times but never with my arm around her shoulder and her hand reaching up to hold …

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blog On Dating : Not The Best Parts of Me

On Dating : Not The Best Parts of Me

Somewhere in January, 2020 Every morning I wake up a different person. I never know who will be there when my eyes open. – I laid in bed this morning for forty-five minutes. I slept well. I’ve been sleeping great. One of the benefits of the time change being back on the West Coast.   Monday …

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blog On Dating : Maddy #6 – The Morgan

On Dating : Maddy #6 – The Morgan

3:30pm – 10:30pm I was standing outside the turnstiles in the subway practicing how to be standing normal for when she came off her train. I was having a talk with myself on whether or not I should be leaning back casually or standing upright with more attention and energy in my body. It was …

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blog Light Relationships : Time Apart

Light Relationships : Time Apart

There are many reasons why my past relationships have ended. I have been insecure, angry, unable to open up. I have gone for women with big pasts knowing I wasn’t yet mature enough to handle their stories. Most importantly, I have never been able to communicate what it is that I actually wanted, only tried …

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blog On Dating : This Time I Gave The Gift

On Dating : This Time I Gave The Gift

Sometime in January, 2019. 10:14PM Couch, San Diego I’m generally monogamous. Once I sleep with a new person I usually stop talking to anyone else. There’s an assumption of exclusivity. You are sharing something deeply personal and trusting each other. Until that point, I am open to running multiple courses simultaneously to see what I …

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blog On Growth : “I Want To Be Comfortable With All My Emotions”

On Growth : “I Want To Be Comfortable With All My Emotions”

11.13.20 – 4:27PM. Living room chair Like any sensitive person, I feel the entire range of the emotional spectrum from one moment to the next. I have spent most of my time trying to find ways to avoid things that don’t make me feel good. I am not typically an accepting person. I have started doing …

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blog Erica 5th Date – The Gift

Erica 5th Date – The Gift

It’s quiet in my apartment. I laugh because I don’t know what to say. I can’t describe her, even when I try.  I can describe Maddy – smart, outspoken, authentic, fiery, passionate, hardworking, a gifted story-teller, insecure, lovely, and intense. I can’t quite pin Erica down.  Tonight was my 5th date with Erica. For those …

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blog On Life : Why I’ll Never Say “I Love You” Again

On Life : Why I’ll Never Say “I Love You” Again

INTRO: I’ve spent a lot of time in relationships finding clever ways to keep some distance from my partners without making it appear that there was an actual problem. There is a fine line between aspirational independence within a relationship and making sure I am busy enough to have an alibi for my disconnectedness. I’ve …

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blog New Life : Maddy #5

New Life : Maddy #5

Just before the holidays, 2019. “I’d like to skip all this and be an old man too, for the record,” Maddy texts me.  I like that she doesn’t change the volume of her voice when she is talking in public. Even if everyone can hear what she says, she carries on, unphased. That is the …

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