On Marriage : European Vacation
December, 2018
It’s Thursday. Wednesday happened on an airplane.
It’s been a while since I puked my living guts out. Can’t be sure if it was the airplane turkey or the airport eggs. By the time we were in the taxi in Budapest I was having hot flashes. What would it look like if I stuck my head out the window and vomited all over the freeway?
We made it to our Airbnb. I’m an expert at fighting off the pukes. I just push through until it becomes diarrhea. I will do anything not to puke. Alexis went up to the loft to take a nap and I sat on the toilet hoping for a peaceful transition. I was not so lucky.
I reached for the faucet in the sink so the running water might drown out the sound of what was about to happen. At first it was dry heaving, and then it burst. Like shotgun blasts – explode, reload, explode, reload until I was a wafer hanging onto the toilet with my last breaths.
When it was all over I brushed my filmy teeth with the enthusiasm of a narcoleptic. I wandered back up the stairs to find Alexis still out cold. That was a win for me. If she saw me in my wounded state she would’ve wanted to help and that would have irritated me.
The next evening we took a walk to one of the famous bathhouses that was built inside an old palace. On the way, we saw a massive line around the side of a building with people holding boots over their shoulders. As we got closer, we saw that they were ice skates. We turned the corner and saw the exceptional outdoor rink filled with hundreds of people skating under the lights listening to the orchestra playing holiday tunes. I wanted to be on the ice experiencing the bigness of the moment with all the festive people but the line was too much. Alexis agreed.
The bathhouse didn’t disappoint and neither did the giant human whirlpool we created with forty other strangers. It got so out of hand that Alexis had to ride on my back to avoid getting sucked away.
The next day we walked many miles and saw some castles and I took pictures. We bought her a coat from Nanushka, which I had never heard of but apparently it was the fashion blogger puffer of the year.
I enjoyed the aesthetic of the place. Earth tones, minimal. I also enjoyed briefly falling in love with the young Hungarian woman who worked there. She was petite in frame with curly dark hair. She kept smiling at me. I later imagined it was because we were tourists and they wanted to be nice to us so we spent money. But in the moment I was concentrating more on our life together. I pictured asking her out to dinner. I wished I was traveling alone. It made all of Alexis’s movements harsh and offensive to me because I could’ve been listening to this new girl’s accent while waiting in a long line for some new restaurant in the Jewish Quarter. Time would be working in the opposite in that I would want it to go as slow as possible. More lines, more commercials. Where are you from? What do you want to be? So many fascinating questions I could be engaging in. Instead, I’m forced to give Alexis an attitude for asking me to wait in line with her at this new restaurant in the Jewish Quarter.
