Hookers: 500 Words a Day – Day 8

Hookers: 500 Words a Day – Day 8

The Ocho. Kate don’t read this, it will be highly inappropriate.

(little sister)

I’ve always liked the number eight. It’s validating. Because it’s infinite and I liked it even before I knew it was a top of the heap number in numerology and Chinese people and all the other good omens. Unlike blue-green algae, which I only began to like after I learned it was good for me.

I wouldn’t sleep with a hooker because I wanted to be piggish or nasty I would do it for the same reason that I spill my guts to strangers or psychics. There was a time when I thought about it a lot. I researched online how it all works and if there were any less shady options. Turns out not really.

Ultimately, I could never sleep with a hooker because of a few reasons. 1) I was born with/developed at a young age an STD aura detection ability. I can sense them. I don’t know where it comes from. Perhaps my need to have only unprotected sex. But it was validated a few years ago when a girl propositioned me at the bar and I was very tempted and nearly out the door and in her car when I took a little personal time out and went to the bathroom to think. Something felt off. I pepped talked myself for a minute and washed my face. I came out and told her I couldn’t go to her house. She protested and then I ran out the door and onto my bike before she could catch me.

Two months later, in a completely unrelated conversation, I found out that she had genital warts. I felt a sense of pride knowing that I knew.

So no hookers because STDs.

2) It’s mostly just number 1.

I guess because if I were to give myself a love language it would be touch and once we’ve touched it’s quite hard for me not to fall. The last thing I need is to fall in love with a hooker because then I would want them to stop being a hooker and then I might have to become financially responsible for them because they aren’t hooking anymore and at that point it doesn’t seem like an equal relationship.

It really comes down to this – I want to do fucked up things in bed with someone I love. And I’m usually too scared to breach the subject with someone I’ve been dating for a while so I thought a hooker would be a good option because I could picture them taking the lead and showing me a few things and giving me the confidence and permission to be a little more open.

I don’t know if it’s offensive to say hooker or if in 2015 you’re not supposed to call hookers hookers or if it violates feminism but I’m not meaning it like that.

I am not talking too pervy I don’t think. Definitely not in the butt, I’ve never been interested. But I just feel like I always want a little more of an experience and a little second base followed by a quick beej, some missionary, quick flip over and reach around, and then the grand finale straddle gets old after a while. I’d rather stream the whole thing live to a Sony 4K HD projector that is mounted on the wall next to the bed so we could watch the whole thing while it happened, and maybe other people are watching too because I’ve always wanted to watch them back.

5 Replies to “Hookers: 500 Words a Day – Day 8”

  1. ? Where are you getting your stats/info? My stat is not based on an hpv centric study. But your dismissive attitude indicates that you’re not interested in facts. Whatever, dude. Your essay is judgemental, incorrect, and truly objectifying towards woman. I’m sure you’ll chalk that up to “feminism” and blow it off, as you did in your essay. If you “aren’t sure” but “don’t mean it that way” it’s probably offensive.
    Sex workers can’t afford to have STI’s because they want to, you know, work. They are tested regularly and far more often than your average person on the street. Condoms are the standard in escorting and if you’re playing on a XXX star level then you have a current test. There are tons of articles on this from people with tons more info than me. Most of the sex workers that I know are tested for a full STD panel 2x a month. Sex workers in NV test once a week.
    I’ve been a sex worker for over a decade. I’m a dominatrix and I also direct/star in bdsm porn. I don’t have any STD’s. HPV included. I’m happy to throw a test down, or to chat about this in a real way. Or to refer you to people wiser than I. Please flip the script to “all black people” or “all white dudes” or “all Americans” or even “all men” if we want to get crazy (or whatever) and see how it feels. Not cool.
    I started following you on FB and twitter because I can appreciate a dichotomy. But I can’t appreciate jackassery.
    I’m fairly confident that this is just pissing into the rain, as that is generally how the internet goes, but hope you’ll prove me wrong.

  2. If you were worried about STD’s than you’re looking for the wrong girls. Hooker 8 years, my vagina is literally my livelihood.
    Would Mario Andretti not change his oil? Or neglect his transmission?

    So you’re too much of a pussy to tell your partner about your wants. That’s okay! I cater to that.

    You’re a dumb ass, and I promise none of these escorts out here are looking for a dude like you.

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