Feedback & Fighting: 500 Words a Day – Day 19

Feedback & Fighting: 500 Words a Day – Day 19

And I bite my tongue.

Someone does some really stupid shit and it affects me and everyone around and we all stand there not saying anything.

I think because we don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or make anyone uncomfortable.

A telemarketer texts my number somehow and says “80% of biz is searched online. Want to improve your reputation? Triple your business? Reply: y.” I replied with “Go fuck yourself.”

Nothing pleases me more than a good fight. If I could, I would go around town smashing in glass windows with my face but I can’t really so I take it out on people that sign me up for their email list without my permission. “I never subscribed to your shitty list. Remove me now.” Or I write love letters to United Airlines, “It’s not like I can switch airlines because they all suck but I want it to go on record that you suck the worst.”

It might just seem like I’m angry. I am angry. A lot of the time. But how can anyone who is paying attention not be? I’m not going to sit around and practice being zen or patient while the world gets away with being asinine. I will be the dirty, rotten old man that sits on the porch in a rocking chair with a shotgun waiting for the mailman to try and deliver me all those stacks of junk mail. “I dare you to put those in my mailbox.”

People need feedback. Especially internet marketers.

I believe that is why I started fighting. My first boxing coach was a golden gloves champion that outweighed me by 47 pounds and he taught me how to fight by putting me in the ring in his backyard barn and pummeling me. For some reason, a jab to the face makes me feel like Thanksgiving dinner. Some people are comforted by a soft touch and words of endearment, I’d rather a hand on my throat while she ridse on top of me.

Maybe. Sometimes I am scared though. Like, am I really this fucked up? Is this how I want to be? I think about if a hug would tear right through all of it.

I switched over to traditional martials arts after getting carried hand and foot out of a bar parking lot by 4 bouncers in college. This SUV full of frat bros made the classic 2 fingers outside the tongue gesture to my girlfriend and her friend as they were driving away. I mean classic frat guy shit right there. I didn’t think much I just remember some blur and then pulling them out of the car 1 by 1 and choking one against the door with my forearm and headbutting another one in the forehead. People talk about rage. That’s what it is. Because you could have hit me over the head with a cinder block and my will to kill them all would not have relented.

I guess I’ve calmed down. Tai Chi and then yoga and meditation. They have helped keep a hungry animal a little more quiet. But it’s still in there. Like today, when I spent all last night and this morning editing some video and Final Cut Pro decided to delete the entire thing. I felt the furnace and I looked around for things I could break. And I can break anything, literally. I broke a 4×4 stud of wood with my head before. Then I remembered to take a deep breath and look for a silver lining. After re-editing the entire project I found some mistakes that made a big difference.

All time spent doing anything is valuable. That helps me.

I still box, a couple times a week. And I still spar about once a month. I boxed today. I worked and I sweat and I slammed my fists into the heavy bag and imagined it was some rapist’s face I was turning into meatloaf. And then I was done and I felt normal. It’s maintenance. Just taste a little blood here and there to keep the volcano manageable.

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