Every Day We Cyclin

Every Day We Cyclin

I keep recounting the entries on my blog hoping today turned out to be 30. But somehow it’s 29. Wtf you guys? I want it to be 30 so badly. I’m tired of having to do this every day. I’ll be honest, it’s not that big of a deal. It takes me 8 minutes to write a post and I have zero hesitation to hit post. It’s made me a faster writer, a more potent writer, and a more honest writer already but I’m ready for it to end. Why? Because I hate being told what to do.

I was basically worthless today. I got most of my work done Mon – Wed but nothing extra that was going to make me feel like I really lived this week. And today I did about nothing. I couldn’t sleep last night. I had the recurring dream of being in bed with a lady and then having the entire property attacked by villains of some sort. It’s hard to seal the deal when there are reptiles with machine guns coming in through the windows.

I want today to be the last day. So I don’t have to do this anymore. Because it feels like a burden. Being productive and growing as a human feels like a burden. When it’s over I won’t have to be pushed anymore and I can go back to publishing whenever I feel like it. I can slip back into average output and average self-satisfaction.

Tomorrow I’ll take Sarah’s prompt for real. Because I think it will be a nice way to end this exercise.

We’re all happening in cycles. I’m rotating, you’re rotating, your significant others are rotating. All for reasons unknown, or at least uncontrollable. There are times when our cycles leave massive gaps between one another and relating seems impossible, resentment comes naturally, and a general sense of togetherness is not attainable. Then we might get closer for a second. And then we might overlap. An eclipse. Let’s say this happens 5% of all relationships. I’m firing, you’re firing, we’re all firing, and things have never been better. The highest high. And then we inevitably continue our own cycles and add on top of that the cycles of others that impact our lives. And it’s a game of push and pull to try and make up the ground that keeps us from ever being truly one for more than a moment.

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