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Ernie, The Hernia: 500 Words a Day - Day 14
Ernie, The Hernia

Ernie, The Hernia

We have created a group out of a series of individuals loosely connected on a strand of rope neither real nor fake.

Reading the articles objectively it is easy to see our desire to connect.

Looking at it esoterically, we can create any experience we want at any moment with any set of people. The only problem is that we don’t do it enough.

Then we’re all fitting in in certain ways. You’re the socks. Someone else is a belt. There’s an iced latte, a Libra, a lion, toe jam, Hitler, Jane Fonda, Turkish Ambassador, the supporter, the comic, the slut, the dickface, a mother, a brother, hungry children and their asshole parents, lesbian lovers, gay haters, those planning for the Apocalypse, Mel Gibson, not Tom Cruise, scientist, musician, the traveler, the philosopher, the giant killer, Goliath, an anaconda, and a single black mother.

But perhaps we all share 1 brain.

Everything is neutral and we are all friends. Then I start to like one of them and nothing is neutral and no one is friends. I’m talking about women.

It’s ISO 1600 and shutter speak 1/50 in here today. Look around and notice the lighting and make a note of these settings. That way I can become expert and give advise and know things. Otherwise I can just adjust every time I’m in a new room and not pay too much attention but still figure it out.

There’s no toilet paper in the stalls. It’s outside, on the wall. Just one dispenser for the whole bathroom. You have to make a calculated guess on how much you need which requires thought on many factors. But there is a butthose so ultimately you just need 2 pieces of bread.

More rain. Must go outside and watch it. They are used to it, they don’t even care. I am an alien. I watched it for 5 minutes. 5 real minutes not 5 fake minutes like people always say, “Five minutes.” Five minutes can be a very long time.

Calling the dentist. An appointment 6 months later. What’s the point? Well, it’s 6 months later and I still haven’t seen a dentist. I guess I’ll take August 12th, 2018. But my tooth hurts so badly. Most of them actually. Initiating the moment, the one that happens semi-annually, when I realize that holistic remedies might cause me to loose all my teeth. Where are my parents? They used to make me go to the doctor a couple times a year.

Then there’s Ernie, my hernia. I’ve had him for 4 years. And for 3.5 of those years I was convinced that I could heal him myself by threatening his life whenever he showed up.

“I’ll fucking kill you Ernie, go away.” Months of 0 pain to follow. Then I got health insurance. It’s important to know that I really think I can cure my own hernia. It’s also important to know that when I tell Ernie I will kill him I mean it as much as when I tell my nephews that I love them.

I have free healthcare, because this country has finally put itself on track to be an actual world leader in a lot of ways. And one way I am contributing to that is by taking advantage of free healthcare. You could get caught up in the fact that I stated $8,000 a year in annual income for the healthcare app while I claimed $180,000 a year on my most recent credit card application but you’d be missing out on the fact that I have free healthcare and a $20,000 line of credit. America.

Getting ready to head out of Malaysia. Couple people asked what I do when I visit Asia. I film children. Haha. I document a youth training company called Seeds Training as they teach kids about social and emotional skills, brain-based learning, and responsible leadership. It’s good stuff. Far exceeds my previous moral threshold but within the process of observing through my lens I would argue that I have become a significantly better person, mostly thanks to the founder, Greg.

Am I choking?

I think I’m choking.

What would happen if I just let myself choke, you know, like not fight it?

Light headed. Nauseous. Scared. Excited.

I don’t think anything happens unless you think about it happening.

Choking isn’t even a big deal. You can’t even choke.

Yeah I just ate KFC at the airport. There was a time when I was proud to say, “I haven’t had fast food in 10 years,” and now I’m proud to say I ate a butter garlic zinger burger and shit my pants in the booth shortly after.

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