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500 Words A Day Archives - Page 2 of 7 - kale & cigarettes
500 Words A Day 15 Minutes: Day 17

15 Minutes: Day 17

What is true and what is real? I’m sitting on my mcm chair while Alexis lays on the couch across from me looking at a black and white ballet photo book I picked up in Paris. We are heading there in October. She is a great dancer. It makes you wonder sometimes why people don’t …

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500 Words A Day I Can’t Sing: Day 16

I Can’t Sing: Day 16

There is not a cubic millimeter on my body that wants to write tonight. I’m fresh off 36 hours of traveling with a raging alcoholic that guzzles whiskey like Gatorade. 36 hours that might as well have been quadrupled because I spent the whole time strategically avoiding someone that was sitting right next to me …

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500 Words A Day The Martians: Day 15

The Martians: Day 15

It really becomes a game of strategically managing your snacking and your email checking and your web browsing – working 9-5 that is. How many more minutes until the next 15 minute break? How can I break that up by taking a walk to the water fountain or by pretending to need to research a …

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500 Words A Day The Day They Found The Rag: Day 14

The Day They Found The Rag: Day 14

Well it finally happened. I knew this day was coming. I was walking up the ramp towards my room to grab some shredded cheese and tortillas when I saw the cleaning cart outside my door. And my door was open. I walked lightly towards my room, creeping my head a few inches in front of …

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500 Words A Day Travel Things: Day 13

Travel Things: Day 13

“If I send you a picture of my boobs for the next 18 days can I be done with the writing challenge?” I’m tempted because they are my kryptonite. But I’ll be home in 5 days and that is just bad business. “Sorry babe. I’ll be stuffing mouthfuls soon anyway. No deal.” “Dang it.” It …

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500 Words A Day Days That Suck: Day 12

Days That Suck: Day 12

I can’t come up with shit for an idea. It is, in fact, fact that everyone thinks their own writing is dog shit. Although there are a few articles I’ve written that I still love because I really meant what I was saying. I also like going back to old articles and reading all the …

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500 Words A Day Protect the Little People: Day 11

Protect the Little People: Day 11

Uncontrollable gas might be considered a problem for a lot of people. Not for me. It means that every 8 – 10 minutes of the entire day I get to laugh out loud and then hope someone is downwind of me when I sit patiently and await their facial expression. Truly I am happy right …

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500 Words A Day Fire and the Flood: Day 10

Fire and the Flood: Day 10

It’s safe to say that the yellow and brown stains on the sheets and towels in this mountain hotel are the effects of karma from all of the hotel towels I have ejaculated into in my day. I always wondered if my mom knew when I threw my cum rag down with all the laundry. …

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500 Words A Day Baby Animals That Disco: Day 9

Baby Animals That Disco: Day 9

I don’t really know what to write about tonight. I told Alexis about the threat ISIS put on Malaysia, two of the targets being places we frequent every day while we’re staying here. I’m not concerned about the danger, I will find a stone on the ground and bash their heads into sloppy joes, but …

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500 Words A Day Hunchbacks and Toilet Sinks: Day 6

Hunchbacks and Toilet Sinks: Day 6

At least once a day I ask Alexis if she still loves me today. She protests the question every time. Then says yes, she does in fact still love me and that she will always love me. I believe this is true, but I will keep asking for confirmation. At least once a day I …

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