blog On Dating : Old Letters and New Ones

On Dating : Old Letters and New Ones

Early 2020. Couch, San Diego I like chaos. It’s interesting. And not without purpose. When everything is happening all at once there is always the emergence of a feeling. A sense that one component is more true than the other. Since I am dynamic, since my feelings change all the time, I spend a good …

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blog On Dating : “You Were Meant To Do Important Things.”

On Dating : “You Were Meant To Do Important Things.”

I picked Ashley up from the airport. We listened to music most of the ride back. Just as we parked, she got a FaceTime. It was him. Mr. LA. She was elated, I could tell. The sense of ease around her disappeared and every feeling that could exist inside a person happened to her all …

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blog On Dating : Maddy Meets My Friends

On Dating : Maddy Meets My Friends

Late December, Early January. Sometime around then. I walked her home last night through Two Bridges and past the open plaza where you could see the One World Trade Center building lit up. We’ve taken this route a few times but never with my arm around her shoulder and her hand reaching up to hold …

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blog On Dating : Not The Best Parts of Me

On Dating : Not The Best Parts of Me

Somewhere in January, 2020 Every morning I wake up a different person. I never know who will be there when my eyes open. – I laid in bed this morning for forty-five minutes. I slept well. I’ve been sleeping great. One of the benefits of the time change being back on the West Coast.   Monday …

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blog On Dating : Maddy #6 – The Morgan

On Dating : Maddy #6 – The Morgan

3:30pm – 10:30pm I was standing outside the turnstiles in the subway practicing how to be standing normal for when she came off her train. I was having a talk with myself on whether or not I should be leaning back casually or standing upright with more attention and energy in my body. It was …

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blog Light Relationships : Time Apart

Light Relationships : Time Apart

There are many reasons why my past relationships have ended. I have been insecure, angry, unable to open up. I have gone for women with big pasts knowing I wasn’t yet mature enough to handle their stories. Most importantly, I have never been able to communicate what it is that I actually wanted, only tried …

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blog On Dating : This Time I Gave The Gift

On Dating : This Time I Gave The Gift

Sometime in January, 2019. 10:14PM Couch, San Diego I’m generally monogamous. Once I sleep with a new person I usually stop talking to anyone else. There’s an assumption of exclusivity. You are sharing something deeply personal and trusting each other. Until that point, I am open to running multiple courses simultaneously to see what I …

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blog On Growth : “I Want To Be Comfortable With All My Emotions”

On Growth : “I Want To Be Comfortable With All My Emotions”

11.13.20 – 4:27PM. Living room chair Like any sensitive person, I feel the entire range of the emotional spectrum from one moment to the next. I have spent most of my time trying to find ways to avoid things that don’t make me feel good. I am not typically an accepting person. I have started doing …

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blog Erica 5th Date – The Gift

Erica 5th Date – The Gift

It’s quiet in my apartment. I laugh because I don’t know what to say. I can’t describe her, even when I try.  I can describe Maddy – smart, outspoken, authentic, fiery, passionate, hardworking, a gifted story-teller, insecure, lovely, and intense. I can’t quite pin Erica down.  Tonight was my 5th date with Erica. For those …

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blog On Life : Why I’ll Never Say “I Love You” Again

On Life : Why I’ll Never Say “I Love You” Again

INTRO: I’ve spent a lot of time in relationships finding clever ways to keep some distance from my partners without making it appear that there was an actual problem. There is a fine line between aspirational independence within a relationship and making sure I am busy enough to have an alibi for my disconnectedness. I’ve …

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